It’s All About Confidence!

It’s All About Confidence!

Today we are very busy people. More and More challenges wiggle their way into our lives unnoticed. We can’t keep up, but yet we keep trying to please everyone. How can we please everyone at once?  The answer is we  CAN’T! It’s been my experience that when you try to accomplish this task you make everyone mad because sooner or later you won’t be able to keep up or give attention to detail.

We have to sit back and really evaluate what is most important to us, what we are good at, what we really enjoy doing and then put your priorities in order.  Once you finally come to grips on what means the most to you I promise if you stop giving yourself away you will be happier, have more time and do what feels right.

In my life it’s God, Family, Career, Church and then Friends.  Everyone means so much to me, but you are given certain things for a reason and then you will leave this earth with your most prize possessions which is your family.  Did you spend enough time with them, did you listen, did you love them the way they needed, did you just be there even when you weren’t needed?  There is one thing I always tell my kids, and that is this…. I would rather spend my money building memories than giving gifts that will be tossed away sooner or later and forgotten about.  Vacations, outings, etc. Pictures, videos, creating things together is what they will remember when I am going not what toy I bought them or what X-box game they got for their 18th birthday.  They will remember the time we went to Charleston, SC on vacation and got stranded in the Starbucks on King Street through the pouring down rain that flooded the building. We were sitting on the steps heading to the second floor then were asked to leave because they had to close the building down.  We had to run out in the thunder and lightening. That’s the day mom found a shoe store that sold Merranda Lambert shoes. Of course I had to buy them.

They remember the time we went camping in Nags Head and they met a couple of pretty girls whom gave them their numbers.  Or even the time we went to Northern Virginia and walked a river fishing for the first time.  These are things you can’t take away from your family.  Look at it like this, if you allow others to steal your time away from what you should be doing then you rob yourself of life and adventure.  You rob yourself of true happiness.  Take the time to score your life, prioritize you desire and create a plan for your meaning and happiness.  Those that really care will understand and those that don’t well you will find out how much you mean to them anyway.

Until next time…… Keep building that wonderful life.


Love your family. Family isn't always blood.

Family isn’t alway blood.

Soul Goal Tuesday

Today as I sat in front of the computer asking the Lord to give me His thoughts to write a friend posted this article. I felt it God driven.  My passion for being a mom has been incredible throughout my life. I wanted so much to have a mom who would love and support me, but did not have that blessing. What I did have, was a gift from God showing me through all this the mother I truly wanted to be. A long story short through many surgeries and Doctors telling me I’d never have that joy due to female issues I thought my life would crumble and my heart shattered forever. Well, I serve a Great Big God who still is in the Miracle business. I have been blessed with three wonderful children and was able to stay home and raise them. This is a book all in itself.

Through all the ups and downs of Motherhood I have been blessed by so much love and a love I never knew until the doctor laid my children in my arms for the first time and our eyes met. All I wanted to do is change the world for them. And hopefully I have had and will continue to have the opportunity to add my stamp to the lives of not only my children but the lives of others.

I was blessed with a Lord that kept pushing me to write my story even though it took four years to finish it is done. If you would like visit to purchase my book.

Please enjoy this article today on the gift of Motherhood

Motherhood The Real Gift

Motherhood – ShesUnstoppable with Bonnie Bradshaw

There’s Something There

As an employer I have seen my employees have good days and bad. Sometimes those bad days seem to linger and start to consume their job performance. When you have a great employee whose work performance  has been outstanding then notice a change you might ask yourself if there is something there worth saving.  If so, maybe a quiet lunch together to see if they will open up and crack the door to working it out.  If not, then maybe you should think about hiring a consultant to come in and help work it out.  If there is something there worth saving it is in the best interest of both employer and employee to try and get to the bottom of the issue and a valuable solution.

Have a blessed day,



Truly Being Seen

One of the scariest classes I teach in our support group is the hardest thing some can do it’s called the “Circle of Staring”.

Despite the name, the goal isn’t to stare down the other people in the circle. It’s simply to look at them, and let them look at you–which, as it turns out, is terrifying. My group members and I literally stood in a circle and looked at each other, sometimes for 30 seconds, sometimes for (what felt like) 10 minutes or more. If imagining this causes little prickles of anxiety under your armpits, you’re not alone.

In the class, we started like all groups. There was lots of shifting and giggling, twisting our faces, looking down and crossing our arms; trying to do anything to keep from doing the assignment, which was to just look at each other… and let yourself be looked at.

Why does the simple act of seeing and being seen cause us so much anxiety? I think it has to do with giving up our power of control–control over what kind of impression we are crafting, how we are seen.

If you are anything like me, you are very curious about people. (Facebook stalking, anyone? Check.) Twitter, instagram, blogs–all these social media platforms allow us to have a one-sided, detailed glimpse into another person’s existence. Of course we want to know about other people- it’s how we connect! The problem is that the deeply curated nature of our social media presences mean that: a) We always get to be in control over how others see us (or at least imagine we are), and b) We perceive authenticity in others, forgetting that they have almost certainly also deeply curated what they are willing to reveal. Louis CK talked about this with Conan, and he’s right.

This brings us back to the simple act of being seen. Getting to indulge our curiosity in another person feels good- to observe someone’s hairline, or their jewelry, to note how they stand, breathe, look, all of these things, we as human beings intensely crave this. The catch is that being seen as you’re observing is a lot harder. This process taught me a few things:

First–it means letting yourself be vulnerable in the moment. If you’re struggling with something, or having a self-conscious day about your body, or feeling any of the feelings, the tendency is to hide it. But it’s really HARD to hide in plain sight. The body doesn’t lie–the more we try to hide, the more we broadcast that there is something TO hide.
Second–Being seen, while vulnerable, is ultimately exactly what most of us crave. Truly being seen feels like unconditional acceptance and belonging.
Third–Seeing and being seen opens a feedback loop for empathy. There is nothing like being seen, feeling vulnerable, and witnessing the same thing in others to create compassion and turn off the judging button.
Fourth–Most importantly, when we observe others, we start to realize that the smiles and the shifting and the hiding are all ways we’ve developed of trying to control others. And I don’t mean like power-hungry, evil genius kind of control–I mean that we try to alter a situation to make us feel more comfortable.
What we learned in our group (after minute upon painful minute) is that the moment we dropped that impulse to control and just stayed present, it gave everyone in the group permission to relax. Suddenly we didn’t need anything from anyone, and they didn’t need anything from us. In that energy, we could simply observe–and be observed.

That particular group has more or less see each other weekly. We see the good days and the bad so we are aware of the body language each one shows without saying a word.

In public speaking, similar kinds of nerves are at play. We tense up, we suddenly wonder why standing ever seemed easy, and we do all kinds of crazy things with our faces trying to put ourselves and others at ease. And we hold our breath. All this done because we think we need to come across as though were are Perfect, Not Nervous, Not Vulnerable, In Control. In other words, we try to take care of our audience by editing ourselves.

The thing is- they don’t need to be taken care of. They want your presence, they are curious about what you have to say, and most of all, most audiences just want to feel connection to you. By allowing yourself to just be–to be seen, and not try to curate, you give them the gift of your authentic presence. Not only does this allow your nervous system to relax (more on this in a future blog post) you also open up an energetic connection with your audience that allows your words to be heard on a deeper level.

Give yourself permission to be seen.

Victim Of Domestic Abuse?

As shocked as I am to find that my own daughter is suffering from this ugly situation my heart breaks for her and my five year old grand baby. I am not the type that will sit silently by and watch this go on. Since it’s happening to my family I am submerging myself in learning all there is about this situation and what is out there to help victims.  I cam across this video and I want to share it with you as I know it will help in the long run.

If you are a victim please get help. Reach out for yourself and your children. If you don’t your babies will grow up looking for that same abuser to love and this will be the legacy you leave behind. Don’t do that to yourself or your babies. Live a happy life by reaching out to smart people that can help.

God Bless Bonnie

Life In General

Today we live in a world which is very busy. The things that mean most to us seem to be put on the back burner to adhere to our obligations. Children have way too much homework it’s almost impossible to even study and spend time as a family. I’ve seen husbands and wives loose their connection because they hardly spend time together not because they don’t love each other, but they have been so busy when they finally get home and have dinner they are tired.  Life at times seems like you have to pencil in family time and not to mention that so important sweet time alone.

Making Glenn and my relationship work we found that Date Night is a must. We have been parents for a long time not only to our own, but to foster children, family’s children and well just some that take residence here. We fell into that so busy trap until I noticed I needed my husbands time alone. We began going out for coffee, then Saturday morning breakfast then on to Dinner at the beach which we love.  Now, that the children are older we are able to leave for a overnight trip. Still have not done the whole weekend because we miss our children so much, but we are moving into that area next. Being alone with him just talking and yes we still hold hands we find a calmness about us. We laugh and joke like in our beginning. I love that. I love to see him smile and those crows feet glassine around his eyes. It makes my heart feel right.

Why this blog?  To remind you and encourage you to go out with your sweetheart and enjoy each other. Get a sitter, do something and take in all

Date Night Required

Enjoy Each Other

that sweet tension (the good stuff) you once had or at least use to have.  

Until next time ~ Bonnie

Born To Be A Mother

Ever since I can remember I wanted to be a mom.  I wanted a large family with children running around everywhere. As I grew older I found myself with many females problems. A the age of 19 I was told by several Doctors that through my recent surgery my insides looked like a 80 year old woman. I was filled with scar tissue and my tubes were blocked. Right completely and left somewhat. I would soon need another surgery to go in and clean our the scar tissue and attempt to save my tubes.

It soon began to effect me beyond what I imagined.  Knowing they might not be able to save my tubes and well, I was not made of the money it would take for fertility treatments so I would be left with only one concern and that was never being able to be the mom I knew I was born to be.  While my husband and I would drive by parks I would physically get sick watching all the children playing and of course those playing with their parents.

I could hardly stand it. I knew God created in me a deep desire to be a MOM and so why would He do that if I would never know what that joy felt like?  Well, many surgeries later I found a great Dr. and well, I’m the proud mom of three biological children. One C-section and two natural births.  O, the Lord was not finished with me yet.  We have had the joy of being Exchange parents to kids now grown from all over the world. We have fostered hundreds of children and adopted four, but parents of many.  Many meaning they knew we were Mom and Dad and felt that little piece of paper meant nothing to them.  One of our heart adopted children “Chris” just got out of the military and well he came home.  Life is sweet.

Now a new journey awaits us starting in June.  Our youngest birth son graduates from high school and this is the son that always said he would never leave home to go to college. He was going to a local college. Months ago he shocks us with a decision to attend a college 10 hours away so we go to visit and then decides on a Music Conservatory over 20 hours away.  My heart hurt so bad, but I know he will do well and we gave him wings to fly.

My husband and I are starting to prepare ourselves for that day.  What are we going to do without children in the home?  It’s going to be so quiet and I hate quiet.  No more “MOM, come here” every five minutes.  I worry so much because of the world we live in. Will they be safe? Will they make the right decisions? Will they have enough to eat?  Will they be treated fairly? Will they make good friends?  Will they get up on time for school? The list goes on and on.  What do we do as parents to make it?  We of course knew this day would come one day.  I’m not ready, but we grew them up in the Lord and gave them wings to fly the coop and make a life of their own. Time flies by, we are here.

I would love to hear from al you empty nesters on how you handled it and got through.  Email:

Part two coming soon……. More decisions made

10 Things Forgiveness Is Not

It’s not saying, “Well, it’s okay. Nobody’s perfect. Everybody makes a mistake,” or, “It’s not a really big deal. Worse things have happened.” No, it is a big deal! It’s so big that God died for it. So don’t dishonor the cross of Jesus and approve or diminish something that required the death of God.

I see this frequently with wives who misunderstand submission. “Okay, the husband is the head of the home, he’s supposed to lovingly lead.” Great. He’s supposed to lovingly lead by following Jesus, and if he’s not following Jesus, the wife shouldn’t follow him because her ultimate allegiance is to Jesus and the first job description of the wife is to be a helper. And sometimes husbands are foolish. They make stupid decisions financially. They make reckless decisions spiritually. They buck godly, spiritual authority trying to correct them. And in the name of forgiving them, the wife comes along and enables him. She just is complicit in his rebellion and sin and folly. You can forgive someone without enabling their sin, participating in it. You can have a friend or a family member who is an addict, for example, you can forgive them without enabling them. Forgiving is not enabling. Forgiving can even include confronting and rebuking, and sometimes it must.

“It didn’t happen. I forgot all about it. I just moved on. I pretend like it never happened. I didn’t let it affect me.” That’s not true. It’s not the denial of a wrongdoing. Forgiveness is not denying that you were sinned against.

Some of you say, “I will forgive them as soon as they say they’re sorry.” I hate to break it to you, some people are never going to apologize. Some people are going to continue in their destructive, rebellious, and foolish life course. Some people will be stubborn and religious and self-righteous and they’ll never confess or admit. Some people will move away, you’ll never speak with them again. Some people will die before they articulate repentance. And so you forgive them before they apologize.

This is one of the great Christian myths. “Well, we forgive and forget.” No we don’t! You can’t forgive and forget. You can’t. You were raped, molested, abandoned, beaten, abused, cheated on, betrayed, lied about. “Forget it”? You can’t forget it. It’s impossible. And some will appeal to Bible books like Jeremiah, where it says that God will remember their sin no more. And they’ll say, “See? God doesn’t remember our sin.” And let me tell you this, God does remember our sin. He’s omniscient, he’s all knowing, he forgets nothing, he knows everything. Right? It’s not like God’s in heaven going, “I forgot a whole bunch of things.” He would cease to be God. What does it mean that God remembers their sin no more? It means that God chooses not to interact with us based upon what we’ve done, but instead interact with us based upon what Christ has done. It means that he chooses to see us as new creations and he chooses to work for a new future. It means that at the forefront of God’s thinking toward us is not all of the sin that we’ve committed, but all the work that Jesus has done for us and in us and, by grace, will do through us. But it’s not like God has no idea what you did yesterday. He forgets nothing. And I see this sometimes in counseling, where one person will sin against another person and they’ll say, “Well, you shouldn’t even remember that.” It’s impossible. I had one situation recently. I looked at the husband, I was like, “You slept with her best friend. She’s not going to forget that ever. Now, she can choose not to interact with you in light of that. She could choose to forgive you. She can choose to not be stewing on that every minute of every day and seething. But she’s never going to forget that this happened because it was cataclysmic.”

Just because it hurts doesn’t mean you’ve failed to forgive. It still hurts. Some of you have had horrible things done to you. Horrible things done to you. With all sincerity, I’m sorry. And it would be so cruel to say, “Well, if you’ve forgiven them, it shouldn’t hurt anymore.” Well, sure it does. See, we don’t hear in the Bible that all the tears are wiped from our eyes until the resurrection of the dead in the final unveiling of the kingdom. It means people are crying all the way to Jesus. It still hurts. It’s okay for it to bother you.

It’s not like you forgive someone and it’s over. Sometimes, they keep sinning, so you need to keep forgiving. Or sometimes you forgive them, but there are emotional moments where it feels fresh. There’s one woman that I know, her husband committed adultery on her. And he earnestly repented and she honestly forgave him and they have sought biblical counseling and they have worked it out. But she confesses there are times, sometimes even at church, where her husband is doing nothing wrong, and it’s been some years, that she’ll just see him talking to another woman, maybe even a mutual friend, and just the sight of him with another woman causes her to feel all of that betrayal again and it rises up in her soul. And she needs to forgive him again for what he did in the past. Sometimes forgiveness is something that is regularly required.

You can forgive someone and call the police and have them arrested. You can forgive someone and testify against them in court. Romans 13 says to obey the government. They’d say, “I thought you forgave me.” “I do. I forgive you. But you’ve committed a crime. You’ve broken the law. And so these are the consequences.” If you’ve stolen, you need to pay it back. If you’ve lied, you need to go tell the truth. It’s not a neglecting of justice. You can forgive and pursue justice.

I hear this all the time. “My dad molested me. He said he’s sorry. Can he babysit my kids?” Answer? No way. No way. “My boyfriend or husband hit me, but he said he’s sorry. Should we just pick up where we left off and keep going?” No way. See, trust is built slowly. It’s lost quickly. Trust is built slowly. Those of you, now hear this, I’m your pastor who loves you. Let me put an airbag around this. For those of you who are naive and gullible, trust is to be given slowly, lost quickly. Some of you give your whole heart away and never take it back. Give it away slowly and if someone sins against you grievously, trust has to be rebuilt over time. It’s not trusting. It’s not trusting. Some people can be trusted in time with fruit and keeping with repentance after they’ve gotten help. Other people should never be trusted because the risk is simply too high. This is particularly true with children who are vulnerable. We need to be exceedingly careful with who we trust.

It’s not that you’re friends and you hang out and everything’s okay. You’re close and it’s back to normal. Not at all. It takes one person to repent. It takes one person to forgive. It takes two people to reconcile. That’s why Paul says, “In as much as it is possible with you, seek to live at peace with all men.” Here’s what he’s saying. Do your best, but you can’t be at peace with everyone. But if it doesn’t work out, make sure it’s their fault, not yours. Right? It takes two people to reconcile. This is where I’ve got a friend right now who’s in the midst of a divorce because she is acknowledging her own sin, her husband really is the problem, and she’s saying, “I love you, I forgive you. If you’ll meet with counselors, if you’ll submit to the authority in our church, I extend a hand to you and we can reconcile and save this marriage.” He’s saying, “No. I don’t think I did anything wrong. I don’t think I need to listen to the pastor. I don’t need to meet with a counselor. I don’t need to listen to anyone. It’s your fault.” There will be no reconciliation. Not with a man like that. Repentance takes one, forgiveness takes one, reconciliation takes two.

Now, in hearing this, some of you, like me, will have strong sense of justice. You say, “But if I forgive them, where’s the justice?” Justice comes, friends, ultimately from Jesus. Either they will come to faith in Christ and you will get your justice at the cross, where Jesus’ blood was shed in their place for their sins as Jesus’ blood was shed in your place for your sin, because Lord knows we’ve hurt people too, or, if they remain unrepentant, your forgiving them does not mean that they are ultimately forgiven. They’ve sinned against you and God, and as you forgive them, you’re leaving them to Jesus. And if they live in a state of unrepentance and they don’t come to Jesus for forgiveness, they will stand before Jesus in the end. And they will be judged and sentenced to the conscious eternal torments of hell to suffer forever for all of their sin, paying their eternal debt to the living God. So, in forgiving someone, we are not neglecting justice. We’re leaving it to the perfect judge to enact perfect justice, either at the cross or in hell, but either way justice will be served. And we forgive in light of that.

You Are Ideal Just The Way You Are.

 Our place in this world was created by the one and only true God. Love yourself and others as God first loved you.  Just leaving you with a little picture to maybe make you smile. Have a blessed day.

Growing Up Hectic

Growing up hectic!

I share my story to help others see there is a way out. Life is what we make of it and determination is key. Please enjoy and share with someone you know, there are many hidden secrets behind the faces we see everyday.  You never know who this might help.

Foster Care Story From Several Views


Bonnie Bradshaw can relate. Bradshaw had a rough childhood. Her parents were alcoholics, and she cooked, ironed and cleaned by the time she was 5.

Fifteen years ago, she and husband Glenn became foster parents and they’ve housed an estimated 40 children in their four-bedroom home off U.S. 58. She has adopted three.

“What I have learned is that each child has a gift,” said Bradshaw, an ordained minister and a motivational speaker. “All of them want to be loved. They want the American type of life they read about.”

Bradshaw agreed that most people want a cute baby. They don’t consider teenagers.

“They don’t think about gangs,” she said. “Or hormones. Or dating. Some of these children have children, and you have to make both of them part of your home. Some are on probation. Others have open court cases. They never think they might have to put locks on the windows and doors.

“It takes a special person to work with teens. You have to fight for these kids. If they don’t have a parent fighting for them, who is?”

The rewards can pay off, she said. When her foster son Donnie came to them as a teen he dreaded school. He threw books and punched lockers and had constant behavior problems.

Today he has a GED diploma and a good job in construction.

“You just fall in love with the inside of these kids,” Bradshaw said. “They are awesome if you take the time to search inside. These children come to a stranger’s home. Some have been on their own a long time, and then a stranger tries to tell them what to do. This is where patience comes into play.”